The 1st Year is the Hardest

They say the first year is the hardest. Actually, when you first arrive in country, they say the first 2 months (PST) are the hardest. Then when you move to your site, they say the first 2 months living at site are the hardest. After those 2 months are over, they say actually the first 6 months at site are the hardest. And eventually, they say the first year is the hardest.

I’m a whole year in now, and I agree that the first 2 months at site are the hardest, or at least they were for me. Life has gotten so much easier since then. But that doesn’t mean it’s always easy.

I spent a lot of time out of site during Aug-Oct for health, work, and other reasons, and so I was coming back to site after about 7 ½ weeks of either being gone or being in site but sick. Going back after that hiatus was tough. I was excited to get back to my village and my house, and to see my host family and my friends. But about 2 hours after I arrived, my spirits kind of plummeted. I had spent so much time recently with other Americans: speaking English, talking about our experiences, and generally just relating to each other. Walking around my village I suddenly saw myself there for another 18 months, everyday struggling with communication. Never being able to have the kinds of conversations that I can have with Americans. Trying to find a way to be useful to my community. April 2013 started to seem decades away.

That was probably my lowest point since back during those first 2 months at site when a bunch of teenage girls made me cry. But at least this time around I had a better idea of what good things I had to look forward to! It’s true that I will never be able to have the kinds of conversations in my village that I do with other Americans. But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t developed real and meaningful relationships in my community – I have. I am lucky enough to have 3 entire families in my village that I feel close to. I have a place I can go to every day to hang out and spend time with other health workers. I have a 12 year old best friend who is incredibly smart and remarkably fabulous at understanding me, especially considering she has absolutely no formal education. Every night I have a host of friends who come over to hang out at my house. Sure, they’re all between the ages of 4 and 11. But that just means we have more fun!

What else do I have?

• I have an incredible support network back home of family and friends.
• I have an equally awesome support network here in Mali of friends and coworkers.
• I have a homestay family who continues to welcome me back into their home every few months for visits.
•  I work with people in my community who have struck a great balance of encouraging and supporting me without pressuring me or demanding unreasonable things.
• I live in a safe and welcoming community. I have never been put in a situation where I have felt in danger.
• I have a house that doesn’t leak, doesn’t have problems with mice, termites, or other pests, and gives me the perfect amount of privacy. My host family regularly checks up on me and makes sure my house is in good working order.
• I have been relatively healthy thus far. (Knock on wood!) Sickness tends to be a part of most PCV’s lives, and while I’ve definitely had my share, mine haven’t been too bad relatively speaking.
• My community makes an effort to include me in social events, whether it’s a village party or a 3-person conversation.
• I am part of the best region there is in Mali! Every time Chrissy and I leave San, we remember why we don’t actually like to leave. Our house is awesome. Our Kaw (volunteers who live in our region) is fantastic. Our house guards are incomparable. San is perfectly sized and fits all of our needs. We’re pretty centrally located for traveling to many other regions, but not so central that other people are coming in and out all of the time. “The center of everything but the middle of nothing!”  

All in all, I really love living in Mali. If only there was an easier, cheaper way for me to go back to Amεriki every few months to see my family and splurge on pizza and margaritas, I could easily live here for a long time. As it is, I can’t imagine having to leave this country, and I still have a little over a year to go! Those 4 months since October have passed so quickly. I can only imagine how hard it will be to leave when the time comes.

Recently, the older volunteers have been saying the few months between 1 year in country and 1 year at site are the hardest. Or at least really hard. I have no idea if that will be true for me. I’m at that point now so I guess I’ll find out soon. My schedule is so full for the next few months that I doubt I’ll have much time to sit around and mope, and if ever I do, I have this awesome list to look at and realize just how much I have - and this is just the sort version!

As always, thanks so much to all of you for being a part of one of the top things that I am grateful for here in Mali!!!

Here's to the next year...I've never heard anyone say the last year is the hardest! :D